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LoginGetting Over A Relationship... Lessen the Pain
23 posts
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You're Now Single.
Many who have been in a relationship know that the hardest part is overcoming the break-up. However, many do not know that no matter how long the relationship, you do not need to spend months to years reminiscing and crying about the loved one who you've lost. Although the path to completely moving on from your past partner can only totally be cured by time, there are many ways to speed it up and help you move on with a lighter heart.
Learn To Let Go
The first and most important part of a break-up is to force yourself to let go. Even if you want to stay friends with your past partner, now is not the time. It will only make it harder for you to interact with him/her or perhaps hear news of his/her latest romantic interests in the time period that you are trying to get over him/her. No matter how much you may want to talk to them, you need to very nicely let them know that you will need some space until you are ready to be friends again, if you even want to stay friends. From this point on you must stop asking your friends questions about your ex, or tell them ahead of time not to discuss him/her around you no matter how much you may persist. You must also force yourself to stop reminding yourself of the past relationship by looking at old letters, pictures, or any gifts your ex may have given you. For now, take all those and put them in a safe place, preferably one where you wont have easy access to them until you are truly ready to look at them again without having to deal with your own aching heart. The point here is that you cant begin to overcome the break-up if youre still holding on to the past partner or relationship.
Occupy Yourself (with positive, healthy things)
Another important step that you must maintain throughout the entire process of overcoming the break-up is to keep yourself busy! Do not allow yourself the time to sit around and brood. Start exercising, go out with friends, take up a hobby and get involved in it, because as long as youre not doing something, youre not helping yourself. Keeping busy is one of the most effective ways to keep your mind off of your past relationship. However, getting yourself drunk and wasted is not the way. Being responsible for your personal well-being is also important.
Meet New People (be discerning)
Moving on too quickly is not a good idea, but no ones saying move on to a serious relationship right away, but its time to start thinking about dating again as well! Start looking at other possible romantic interests and try a couple of casual dates. Dont lock yourself up in your room and shun all the other possibilities that are out there waiting for you! Besides, seeing new people will keep your mind off your ex as long as you dont start comparing them to him/her. Stay open-minded and you should be over them much sooner than you expected. However, please be discerning!
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it`s been so long,
i still cant really get over her,when i talk to my frens abt her,
i still refer her to my gf..
in my heart, she`s still there..
i close my eyes and i can still see her..i`ve been working hard to be a better person,
only waiting for her to come back one day,
at least i know i`m ready..i`m still waiting.
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It is true that it is undeniably not easy. The above is really dedicated to a forum member who cannot afford to seek my services but wanted abit of advice.
And it is not surprising because alot of people suffer to the point that they are willing to pay and seek professional help to recover from such emotional hurt.
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My 2 cents worth... You may or may not agree with me.
When one makes the choice to hold resentment or unforgiveness against another, they are NOT hurting the object of their resentment, but themselves.
Forgiveness does not mean that you condone the wrongful act of another but rather, it helps you to be free from this emotional hurt.
Ultimately, it's your choice to make.
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prevention is better than cure. http://fengshuiforward.com/forum/personal-requests/please-help-advice/0/ ..learn how to keep a look out for bad guys or bad gals
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Originally posted by Serene_Lee:
Being happy is something you need to learn
Very true, thank you for the kind words of encouragement. Letting go isn't as easy as it seems, especially after a long term relationship. It hurts even more when your romantic dreams just shattered while planning for marriage...After my recent breakup, I spoke to a friend and poured out my sorrows. We had a long talk together...and she said, "You must learn to be happy."
I replied, "How can I be happy when I still love her so much?"
And she added, "How can you grant her happiness if you're not genuinely happy yourself, even if you did win her back?"
Talking to others instead of bottling it all up is actually a good way to stop depression.
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let's just say there are many factors i.e. love, time, luck
but I would say the biggest factor is attitude. What is your attitude towards relationship and moving on?
An example, I had a client who came to me for relationship issue. She thought that dwelling in the negative was romantic just like those Korean drama serials. The thought of undying love etc ... So I asked her how does she want me to help? Turned out she didn't want to be "healed" but she wants a listening ear bcos everyone else was sick and tired of her repeated stories. Well, I gave her an hour and charged her the same for my time.
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